We are now o-fficially camper dwellers. Sort of. We have a series of house-sitting gigs lined up to delay our camper dwelling status. In the meantime, we’re working hard to get camper life as amenable as possible, starting with a visit from my favorite pest control professional Charles. Charles is the renaissance man of pest control. He can speak intelligently on most topics, but when it comes to bugs he is a walking encyclopedia. We walked my property while he educated me on the various types of wasps, ants, flies, roaches and other insect life we saw. When we got to the camper I asked him what he could do to ensure we wouldn’t have any creepy crawlies inside and keep the mosquitoes to a minimum outside. His response:

“See this nice pine tree providing shade to your camper, and all the roots running along the ground underneath it? Termites love pine tree roots. And fire ants’ favorite food is termites. And carpenter ants’ favorite place to live is old termite burrows. You are living on top of a great big ant hill. See how close you are to the water, how pretty that is? I can’t treat any area that close to the water under Florida law.”

Two hours later Richard was at Home Depot spending a fortune on poison. We all now dress in hazmat suits and gas masks. Camper dwelling appears to have many surprises in store.